That's it! I am changing my name. I think I made a mistake by calling myself the Day Walker and Deacon Frost. You want to know why? I’ll tell you why! ANOTHER BAT WAS IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!
A few days ago, my daughter, AGAIN, comes down from the computer room and says, “Daddy, there’s another bat up there.” I asked how she knows that and she says, “I hear it.” Come on. She hears a bat? Bats squeal at very high frequencies. She couldn’t possibly hear a bat. I’m Batman. Not her. I mean yeah, she is the daughter of Batman, but what are the odds of her being a Day Walker? Not too likely. Right? Of course I blew it off. She never showed signs of being Batgirl, or of being able to hear high pitched sounds like I can since I'm half man & half vampire. Whatever, girl, you didn't hear a bat. It’s probably your ears ringing from having your iPod turned up too loud all the time.
Well, fast forward to last night at 9pm. I am on the phone with my dad and remember that the paperwork I need for tomorrow is upstairs in my office. So while still on the phone, I walk upstairs listening carefully to my dad because he was going off about something very important to him. All of a sudden as I reach the top of the stairs, I see something swoop over my head. “Dad, I gotta call you back! There’s a bat in here!” Of course all this was being said as I ran back downstairs as fast as I could possibly go. “I told you. I tried to tell you there was a bat up there, but no. No one listens to me till it’s too late.” That’s my daughter. I couldn’t even respond. I couldn’t look at her. I had to go into another room and get myself together. I couldn’t dare let her see that her dad was a afraid that a bat had almost take him out.
It didn’t take long for me to remind myself that I am Batman. BATMAN. B-A-T-M-A-N! Its on now! Oh yes, its on! I went to the closet, put on a hoodie, my leather coat, my winter gloves, a hat, sweat pants, jeans, and boots, and then searched the house for the perfect weapon. Nothing does better than a broom. Yup, I chose the broom. Now you all know I am cheap. So the broom I have came from Family Dollar. And as soon as I twisted the handle from the broom, the handle bends. Is this what I get for a $2 broom? I want my money back!
Ok, Mac, calm down. It's time for war, deal with the broom situation later. Get it together and choose your weapon; your opponent is waiting upstairs for you. Ah ha! In the corner, like a samurai sword, stood a board that was left over from when my grandpa and I rebuilt my stairs this past summer. Perfect. That board transformed into the sword of Blade, well in my case, the sword of Deacon Frost.
I put the hood up over my head, and drew the strings tightly. I opened the door and the bat was not flying around anymore. He had gone into stealth mode. OK. The hunt is on. I searched area by area. No bat. Each time I saw something move, normally my shadow, I jumped. I noticed how quiet it had become. I then began to wonder, "Am I the hunter, or the hunted?" Suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel something hit my leg! I jumped high enough to high-five the people on the Space Station. What was that?!?!?!? My dog!!!!! “GET BACK DOWNSTAIRS LEXI!!!!!!!”
OK, Mac, don’t lose it. Be cool. Focus! The only place he could be is behind the curtain. It's the only place I haven't searched yet. I move closer and as I got inches from the curtain, I hear him. “Don’t think about it Frost,” the bat said in bat talk. “Face me and die,” I said to the bat in bat squeals. He wouldn’t show himself. I pull back the curtain and there he lay, on the floor under the bottom of the curtain. He yelled my name, “Nitti!”
Man, that bat scared me badly! I swung my sword (really a board) frantically and busted him in his little bat head! He’s wounded. Again, the Mortal Combat voice emerges from the silence, “Finish Him!” I walk closer to my enemy and raise my weapon to deliver the final blow. “Screech!!!!!!” (which means, “I wish I could bite you on your bald head right now, Mac. Kill me. Get it over with. Just remember, my family is large and there’s no way you could get rid of all of us, Day Walker!"
“Die, bat,” I whispered. And with those words, I delivered the final blow, sending him to rest with the others that had come before him to terrify my kingdom. Then I said a bat prayer in respect to all the bat species and removed myself from my war uniform. As I descended from the war zone, I saw my daughter standing there with a look of pride in her eye…nah really she was shaking her head at me. I know if she could put a bag over her head like Sylvester the Cat’s son used to do, she would.
But at least the bat was dead. My next move is to get my daughter checked by a vet to see if she is a Day Walker as well.
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Peace.
