Hey.
I decided to try and post a serious blog today. It may seem a little un-Nitti like, but hey, we all have to step out of our comfort zone every now and then to taste the real world, right? So today I am going to "preach."
On the 4th my Grandpa's brother died. We knew he was going to die. He had cancer and they put him in hospice. My dad and I had visited him when we first heard that he was sick. This was last year. He was fine then. He was going back and forth to Buffalo for chemotherapy and had lost his hair. He looked good though. Well, a few weeks ago, I was told that he was put in hospice and that I should go and visit him.
When my dad and I went over, he was sitting in the living room with his oxygen tank. That was crazy. Just last year he was cracking jokes and talking about how he and my grandfather had gone fishing and now here he is sitting in a chair with a tube pumping O2 into him. My uncle had grown his hair back, which meant that he had stopped the chemotherapy. My dad did most of the talking and Uncle Columbus responded but you could tell he was short of breath and every now and then he'd lean over holding his stomach. I asked him if he was in pain. He told me the truth, "Yes, not much, but when its there, its there."
Two weeks later, I get a call from my grandmother telling me that Uncle Columbus had died. When I went to his house on the 4th to pay my respects, a few people had gathered on the porch and you could see the sadness in their eyes. It was expected.
I am not going to go into the whole visiting the body thing. Just know it was sad and leads up to this: Later on that day I was able to sit and talk with my grandfather. This is something I love to do; he is a funny man. Many people, especially my immediate family members think he's this grumpy old man that hates to be bothered, but its not true at all. He is a very funny old man. Sort of like me, minus the old part. :-) Well, he told me that he expected Uncle Columbus to die. He said in his opinion, the sooner the better. He knew his brother was in pain and he hated seeing him struggle to breath and seeing him hurting. I totally understood. I looked in his eyes and could see pain.
His brother, who he was very close to is gone. But my grandfather still managed to crack his jokes. But as the conversation progressed to being more serious, as it normally does when he and I chat, he told me something deep. Simple but deep. He said that he always made it his business to do whatever his parents and siblings asked him to do. He said it may be something simple that they were asking, but to them it may be very important and mean a lot to them. He said you never know when you will ever be given the opportunity to do for them again. My grandfather also told me that as the oldest he still finds himself chastising his siblings. He said it a role he has no problem having.
As he spoke to me, I reflected on my own life and how his words pertained to me. What he said was nothing I hadn't heard before. We have all heard and maybe even said it before. But when he said it, it had a whole new impact on me. See, my other grandfather had passed away many years ago. He was a sweet man. But he's gone. I can't bring him back, but I am blessed to have this one with me still. Although they are two totally different men, I know that both my grandfathers had and have a common ground; the importance of family. It has carried over to me and I think that is why this lesson my grandfather gave me with was so special.
We have got to take time for each other. Regardless of how little the time is, we have got to do it. Regardless of how young or old we are, no one knows when they will die. It's a fact. We hate to think that we are not going to be here for ever and the thought of losing a loved one is not something we want to think about either. But it is going to happen.
I have a brother that is dealing with something very serious right now. My family is close. When I say close, I mean close. So while he is dealing with what it is that he has going on, it is affecting all of us. It's supposed to be that way. If you have a loved one that is dealing with something, you should be affected too. If you're not then that bond that you THINK you have is not really there. It's all made up in your head and only you can see it.
I did some community outreach work with a guy recently. I had no idea that he was going through his own personal battles at home. It got the best of him and to make a long story short, he is in the psych ward right now trying to get better. Now I don't know the this guy very well, so when I read the paper about his incident, I could have shrugged it off and kept going. But instead, I went to visit him. He was so happy. He told me that he knows I didn't have to come see him, but the fact that I did, made him feel great. Hearing that made me feel great.
I say and share all of this with you to say this: It's OK to tell your family and friends that you love them. It's OK to take time out of YOUR life to do what someone else wants to do. It's cool to put your pleasures on hold for a while to make sure someone else has their pleasure. Trust me, if you do it and have your heart in it, you will find that their pleasure was yours as well.
I hope that everyone reading this blog takes heed and starts living life a in a more positive manner.
Thanks for listening. Now go buy my CD and listen to some good music.
Peace and I love all of you!
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